My Week, Volume 8
I can sit in the sun and feel something other than exhaustion.
Hello bruvs! Did I sound british? My dad’s side is british. I’m basically british! Anyways, welcome back to the greatly anticipated weekly round up. This is the 8th iteration. So, that means we have been here for about 2 months now and it’s been a crazy ride!
I’m close to 300 subscribers and I don’t know what I did to deserve this! I’m just a guy that writes little essays about his life and talks about his week. I’ve said it many times, but I would die for every single one of you. No matter the reason. I would do it without a second thought. Thank you for everything. I love you all. Deeply. Truly.
This week has felt discombobulated to say the least. Work has been extra stressful and I’ve been forgetting things left and right. Management has asked me to remember things and I know it’s not the worst thing in the world, but my head tells me they’re going to fire me and they all hate me. But they did tell me to have a good weekend so maybe I’m overreacting. I never do that though….
One of our other managers is moving away. It’s sad. I’ve become very close with them and we even hang out outside of work semi regularly. But, because of this, I’m switching up the stores I manage. I don’t know how I feel about it. I ultimately made the decision myself, but the store I’m leaving is very dear to my heart.
I’ve created a lot of great relationships with regulars that are basically friends now and I’ve started a lot of trading with nearby businesses. I won’t have that at my new store and I’ll have to create new relationships. It feels daunting but I’m also excited. The new store is basically in the NBA headquarters and I love the NBA. Adam Silver, the commissioner for the NBA, is a regular when he’s in town. I’ve worked there a few times and I saw a couple NBA players, which is cool. They’re so much taller in person.
Plus, I will be making more money at the new store. So, am I sad to be changing stores? Yeah, I guess. But I’m also excited for the new opportunities. Things change. Life changes. This is inevitable. It’s sad to leave things behind, but we have to leave things behind sooner or later. And the future’s so bright. I can always go back and visit anyway. It’s not like the neighborhood is being destroyed.
Any how, on to the rest of the post.
Watching
Recently I’ve been watching a ton of camping videos on YouTube. I don’t know what it is about them. I usually watch super philosophical videos that make me want to claw out any sense of reality I hold within my bosom, but lately I’m just watching guys build shelters out in the middle of nowhere and cooking over a campfire.
I think I tend to watch philosophical videos to try and make sense of the world and I watch camping videos to try and escape the world.
The camping channel I’ve been watching is called Outdoor Boys. It’s a guy that I think lives in Alaska and just goes around and builds stuff. He sometimes takes his kids if they want to go and overall it’s just an incredibly wholesome channel. He also drops a lot of really good nuggets of knowledge and I like to think at this point I could also live off the land. I was a boy scout for a few years.
Also, fun fact, this guy is mormon. So maybe the mormon side of me that’s somewhere within me is attracted to this guy. But he never brings it up. Knowing he is mormon makes some sense, but he seems like one of the good mormons. Regardless, if you’re looking for some videos to just turn on and zone out too, or just something easy to watch, watch this. It’s nice to watch something and not really have to think about.
Solo Winter Bushcraft Camping in Alaska - Outdoor Boys
Reading
I did not finish a book. I did start 3 different books instead. I think I’ve settled into one though and should finish it later this week. So, expect that in next week’s post. Hopefully. Instead, I’d like to tell you about one of my favorite books.
The Great Believers by Rebecca Makkai is a dual-timeline novel that explores the AIDS crisis in 1980s Chicago and its impact on survivors decades later.
The main storyline follows Yale Tishman. He navigates love, ambition, and loss while his community is ravaged by the AIDS epidemic. His close friend, Nico, dies early in the novel and he struggles to hold onto hope and meaning as more of his friends die because of the disease. His world is literally unraveling.
The parallel narrative is set in 2015 in Paris. Fiona, Nico’s sister, searches for her estranged daughter. Fiona is forced to grapple with the long-term emotional toll of the epidemic and the way grief reshaped her life.
This book is utterly devastating. It forces us to confront how an entire generation of young men was lost, usually forgotten, and how the people left behind had to pick up the pieces. This novel does a great job of not just focusing on death and, instead, focuses on the unbearable quite that follows. This book is depressing but also reverent. It’s sad, yes, but it also insists that their lives mattered and they deserved to be told.
People have said that The Great Believers is like A Little Life but good. I haven’t read A Little Life so I don’t know if that’s true, but I do know that The Great Believers is one of the best books I’ve ever read.
If we could just be on earth at the same place and same time as everyone we loved, if we could be born together and die together, it would be so simple. And it’s not. But listen: You two are on the planet at the same time. You’re in the same place now. That’s a miracle. I just want to say that.
Listening
I love hip hop. If y’all met me 5 years ago, the only thing I would be listening to is hip hop. I think growing up it was my way of rebelling. My dad is old and always thought rap music was of the devil and so when i listened to it, without him knowing of course, I felt so cool. But I also just enjoyed it.
Something about the words and the beats are just so good and tickles the right parts of my brain. Today, I’ve broadened my music tastes but whenever it starts to get warm again after the winter I always listen to hip hop. I think it reminds me of the summer.
I’m from the west coast, so a lot of the hip hop I listen to is west coast based. I loved Kendrick’s most recent album. It’s west coast to a T. Also, Kendrick has won a Pulitzer! Can we talk about that? I digress. Here’s a few of my favorite hip hop songs I’ve been listening to recently.
Insecurities - Lil Baby
reincarnated - Kendrick Lamar
TEMPTATION - Joey Bada$$
Final Thoughts
Seasonal depression is weird. Every winter I’m fine, until suddenly, I’m not. One day I’m going through the motions, doing what I need to do, and the next, I’m in bed, unable to move. I can’t clean my room. I can’t shave. I can’t do anything.
It’s like a tiger hunting its prey. One second, you’re just hiking through the forest and the next, your jugular is torn out. You never knew he was there. You didn’t suspect a thing. But there you are, at the mercies of something much stronger than you.
This winter has been a cycle of falling into it and clawing my way back out. But just as fast as it comes, it disappears.
The sun has come out again in New York. We had highs up in the sixties and it’s been incredible. I even wore shorts! The city feels alive. People aren’t rushing to escape the cold. The warmth is everywhere.
And just like that, the tiger is gone. The wound is still there, but it’s healing. I can move again. I can clean my room. I can sit in the sun and feel something other than exhaustion.
I know winter will come again. It always does. But for now, I’m here. The city is warm, and so am I.
Until next week or so,
Thank you,
For everything,
Joshua
Some of my other posts :)
´´I think I tend to watch philosophical videos to try and make sense of the world and I watch camping videos to try and escape the world.´´ love this